Part One: The Story of Roger Meddows Taylor & Friends
Yesterday Roger slipped on the ICE! Then he visited Brian so he could say, “I fell into outer space to see the movement of interplanetary dust. Then I ate lots of cheese!” After he drank lots of vodka with Brian, he called Rufus Tiger Taylor to tell him to buy some marshmallows for smores. He left and then showed up in the middle of France, looking for John Deacon. The cops told Roger to stop driving cars that catch on fire, and getting lost. Roger told them to get lost themselves. Then he thought ‘I need more kids!’ (but that’s probably because he’s drunk… or maybe not….) He decided to go eat French fries. After all, he was in France. After he finished them he couldn’t find the roller coasters so he threw a fit and ended up back at Brian’s. Brian’s wife got mad and told Roger to go home. On the way home Roger decided to attempt driving off a cliff. That didn’t work though, so he went to the hospital to get an X-ray. After he was done, he cried, then went home. Then he put on his wife’s clothes and played water polo. After that he locked his kids outside. They screamed and one of them ate part of a pool and some kittens. When Roger’s wife found out, she said, “That was a real hootenanny!” Roger replied, “Let’s dance on top of the barn!” Then they fell into the uneaten part of the pool. To get rid of it they called 911 to tell them their kid ate a pool. 911 replied, “What brand?” then hung up. Then Roger drove his kid to the vet so they could pump up the party! Then Roger collapsed. The vet had to evacuate the premises, then hit Gus with Roger (who is unconscious) Roger’s wife packed up and left.**later**When Roger woke up he realized he was hung-over, and the drapes looked shorter. Then he had to move his shoe and take off his socks. After he did he went to the movies to see The Dukes of Hazzard. He watched it and he laughed so hard he peed himself….twice. Embarrassed, he put on his sunglasses and ran for it! He ran home to change only to find his house had sank into the ground, except for his awesome drum set. He cried then he went and played his drums at Brian’s house. Brian’s wife wasn’t home, so Roger and Brian partied. They drank more and Brian started to talk about cars. When they were both drunk, they started painting the walls with Kool-Aid. Suddenly, Brian’s wife came in, so they hit her with paper airplanes. That was fun until she turned around, and Roger got one stuck in Brian’s hair, but Brian didn’t notice. Brian’s wife got mad and told Brian she was going to Co-op to buy grapefruit-flavoured tractors. After she left Brian & Roger made prank calls to Mr. S’s house. *As we all know, Roger has a special relationship with Mr. S.* Mr. S asked Roger how his mom was, and Roger said, “She running smoothly. You should come and give her a new carburetor.” Then he saw Brian eating Cool Whip with a fork. Roger said, “Can I have some?” But before he got any, Brian threw it in a mud puddle and had a stroke. Roger started freaking our. He called John to tell him he won the lottery. John replied, “HURRAH! I like pie!” Roger said, “You don’t say!” Then Roger asked John is he knew where to buy Queen band-aids. Roger said “Crap! There’s no more vodka! You know what I mean?” and John said, “No I don’t. Do you want more kids?” Roger replied, “Yea! and I want to name them Bo and Agnes!” John said, “Ok, well I’ve got some extras. You can have ‘em for $600 each.” Roger yelled, “I’m a FIRIN’ MAH LAZAH!! BLAH!!” Scared, John quickly hung up. Roger then realized he didn’t ask John where he’s been for the last 10+ years! So he called him back but John wouldn’t answer. Then Roger started spazzing. He kicked Brian who said “ahh….” Then Roger realized Brian wasn’t dead so he took him to the vet who called the Fire Department. Hey all started to dance around Brian and sing ‘Barbie Girl.’ Brian screamed, got up, and ran away. Roger started to chase after him but couldn’t run straight ‘cause he’s drunk. Then he climbed a tree and fell asleep. He awoke 2 days later, on top of a combine. It tasted like grapefruit. Then he remembered Brian had run away. He started to drive a zebra taxi around whilst looking for him. Roger decided to go and eat at John’s house, so he got out of his taxi and onto a snowmobile and crashed into a post. His snowmobile EXPLODED and he caught on fire. So he ran around and around and around and around in very small round circles. He fell down and broke his arm, but at least the sun was out.
He woke up in a hospital. When the nurse came in he asked for some Lego, but the nurse said, “Sorry sir, we can’t give Lego to old rockstars. You can have a Ken doll though.” Roger yelled because he didn’t like Mattel. He started to trash the hospital room, and the nurse has to call the police. They arrested Roger and John had to come bail him out. Then they went back to John’s and found out that Brian had broke into the fridge. He took out all the shelves and had started to live in it. John said, “Hi Brian!” and sat down on top of the microwave. Roger then started searching the house for alcohol. He found John’s wife had eaten all the food in the pantry and freezer(s). She had also eaten one of their children. Roger ran up to John and Brian and started singing very high pitchly. He sang (to the tune of ‘We Are the Champions’) “She ate your children, my friend….” to John. Then John fainted because he saw Katie Johnson eating his dining table. Then Bo came in and started accusing John of trying to steal KJ from him. Roger crapped himself because DoH is his fave. Then he left and watched it (again). Brian was still in the fridge, talking about giant lizards and lipstick on monkeys. Bo & Katie got together, John sold all of his kids to Roger and ate his wife, and Brian stayed in the fridge. The End…. for now….
He woke up in a hospital. When the nurse came in he asked for some Lego, but the nurse said, “Sorry sir, we can’t give Lego to old rockstars. You can have a Ken doll though.” Roger yelled because he didn’t like Mattel. He started to trash the hospital room, and the nurse has to call the police. They arrested Roger and John had to come bail him out. Then they went back to John’s and found out that Brian had broke into the fridge. He took out all the shelves and had started to live in it. John said, “Hi Brian!” and sat down on top of the microwave. Roger then started searching the house for alcohol. He found John’s wife had eaten all the food in the pantry and freezer(s). She had also eaten one of their children. Roger ran up to John and Brian and started singing very high pitchly. He sang (to the tune of ‘We Are the Champions’) “She ate your children, my friend….” to John. Then John fainted because he saw Katie Johnson eating his dining table. Then Bo came in and started accusing John of trying to steal KJ from him. Roger crapped himself because DoH is his fave. Then he left and watched it (again). Brian was still in the fridge, talking about giant lizards and lipstick on monkeys. Bo & Katie got together, John sold all of his kids to Roger and ate his wife, and Brian stayed in the fridge. The End…. for now….
