Part Four: The Life of Brian and Friends + Roger Meddows Taylor & His Herd of Childrens

Suddenly Brian ended up in Egypt... suddenly! After his short stay in Winnipeg/Portage/surrounding area learning how to build boats and eating THE GREATEST ICE CREAM EVER he decided he was done with this. He then flew his time-travelling magical kangaroo to Spain, then hitch-hiked to Egypt. Later on it was discovered that the kangaroo was only a figment of Brian’s imagination. In Egypt he became very angry. He had brought a years supply of ice cream with him, but in very little time, it was just cream. He thought it tasted Icky. He threw a Brian fit (which involves hours of sobbing, then contemplating suicide, then writing a song about some kind of relative)and then decided he wanted to go home. He put himself in a box and got some random camel-trader man to mail him to John’s house. *For the record, a Brian fit is quite different from a Roger fit. Brian fits aren’t usually dangerous to anyone but Brian*
Anyways, back at John’s house,
John decided he wanted to cook something. He then decided to boil eggs, but he had forgotten how. For this reason, he called Roger but Roger started spazzing because he didn’t know how to either. He ordered Mexican take-out. It cost him $6000 for the food (he was feeding the herd too). It cost him $300 for the paper plates. It cost him $200 for pop. But the look on the childrens’ faces when they got their food? Priceless.
Meanwhile Roger was still wandering around the US. He couldn’t find a GF because they were all mental or obese (*Remember all the fast food places in the US) so he decided to come to Canada. That didn’t last long because he couldn’t find any vodka, all they had was beer. He decided to go to Turkey, instead. In Turkey he became frustrated because he couldn’t understand a word anyone was saying. Consequently, he decided to learn Latin. *at this point the reader realizes Roger is dumb.* He couldn’t pay attention in Latin class, and he failed. Even Alana got a higher mark than him. Angry, he threw all the desks and chairs at people a Roger fit. For this, he was kicked out of Turkey. He decided the best thing to do would be to go to Scotland. After 10 minutes there he decided Scotland was boring, so he went to Ireland instead. There’s booze there! He had such a good time that, everyone forgot about him.*at John’s house*The food he’d ordered had been eaten in 1.378619 seconds flat, and John didn’t even get any. Then Cameron broke the sink and John happily whipped out a mop and began cleaning up all the water. At this time Robert appeared with his trusty Shop-Vac™ and cleaned up the water in no time! John then became confused.... he wondered where in the world the water went! Then Robert’s eyes turned red and he smiled a smile even more evil than Roger’s scientist one! He tried to suck up John with the Shop-Vac™! Right before things got too ugly Roger showed up. Unfortunately for everyone the Shop-Vac™ was too full and exploded sending stuff (including Laura) flying everywhere. Fortunately Laura flew into Robert and knocked him out.Roger, who found this quite amusing, had a Sheer Laugh Attack. John started to cry because he didn’t realize Laura was not only a vampire, but she was also dead. All Dead, All Dead... Then he decided to bury her beside his (tasty) wife... and the trampoline. In the meantime, Roger watched 2001: A Space Odyssey for the millionth time.*Back to Brian*While all this was going on, Brian got accidentally mailed to Cuba, where the people there adopted him as a baseball team mascot. However Brian couldn’t understand much of what was being said or what was going on. Because of this, one day he somehow got sent to New Zealand by airmail. He decided to visit some random guy. He ended up at Will Ferrell’s house. While he was there they watch Talledaga Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby which starred Will Ferrell. But that movie made Brian angry, so he left. Then he decided to go back to slug on in England and to visit Jimmy. When he got there he had a big yellow hat to give to Jimmy, but when he answered the door the hat scared him so he screamed and went to John’s house to join the kid herd. This hurt Brian’s feelings so he went to where Roger was put it one his head and said“YOU HAVE TO wear this! No taking off!”and walked away. Roger, who was thoroughly confused, decided to follow instructions. He put on his sunglasses and walked cooly off into the sunset.