Part Three: The Story of the Kid Herd & Roger Meddows Taylor Brian May & John Deacon & Friends
One day Roger and the kid herd decided to steal John’s trampoline. “Yo dude” said the mailman who was eating cotton candy in the shape of an elephant. Then Roger said, “The word word is a word!” After his moment of dumb, he found a gnome store. At the gnome store, he decided to count his herd—but he realized one was missing! He realized Michael was gone! Roger decided to go on a quest, but it was cut short when John told him his freezer was on fire! Brian had been in the shower, so when he came out John told him to go over to the freezer and shake his head. But Brian was tired of people making fun of his hair so he put on a big metal mixing bowl on his head. But then John started making fun of Brian’s clothes. He said, “At least my shirt fits me!” and ran away crying.Meanwhile Roger who was silently plotting revenge on John for ripping him off decided to bleach his hair again. Rufus walked in on him and scared the living daylights out of Roger (if you know what I mean) Roger ended up spilling everywhere and he wrecked his pants. Rufus ran and hid under a large cardboard box hoping his dad wouldn’t find him. Roger was mad, so he started throwing, punching, kicking, and drowning things. Brian had ended up lying under Roger’s go kart track, and was disturbed when things started exploding around him. It turned out Robert was exploding rubber duckies. Roger (still in a fit of rage) was also exploding all of his gnomes... one by one, whilst wearing his evil scientist smile. Imagine Brian’s confusion! Then John randomly showed up with an overcooked (by a lot) steak. Brian said ‘WTF’ then smoked John upside the head with a Furby. Then the rest of the childrens herd excluding Rufus still jumped onto Roger’s trampoline, each holding a bucket of sand. They broke the trampoline, and realizing Roger would be angry, they bought him a HUGE banana split glazed with vodka (I don’t know how they did it, but they did). Unfortunately, Roger had been caught in a gnome explosion and was in the ER. When Rufus found out about this he instantly ran to Roger’s bedside and vowed to never make him angry again, but that was probably the vodka talking (He’d scarfed down the banana spilt before he went to the hospital). Since he ruined the kid herd’s masterpiece they trampled him. He ended up in the bed beside Roger (who was now in a coma due to the lack of ice cream in his body). Then Brian came and stared down Roger while saying “Come to the dark side, we have ice cream!” A nurse quietly escorted the estranged Brian to the mental ward.**later**Finally after about a week of Roger, Brian, & Rufus being in the hospital, John found out. He payed a visit and brought ice-cream cake, which was force fed to Roger. Then Brian came in, who was still a bit mental, and said, “I WANT SOME TO” (he’s not yelling, he’s just talking low and loud). John said “oh drat, seems I’ve run low on ice-cream cake...” then whistled for Roger’s herd so they could get more. Brian still wasn’t pleased. He went up to John, and withLITTLEforce he poked him. He then began laughing and dancing around the room. The nurse came back. The Nurse left. So did Brian. John stood in amazement. He couldn’t believe how big of a tard muffin Brian had become. To John’s surprise Roger started murmuring, which scared the crap out of John (not literally) and he ran away screaming. He didn’t even make it to the door before the ‘mental nurse’ got him, too. But John wasn’t about to go down without a fight. He poked her (with force) in the eye and stepped on her foot before breaking free of her hold lies, she’s so self satisfied, he doesn’t need her....Then the kid herd, excluding Rufus, & John then skipped happily along to the exit.*LATER*After John’s hospital fiasco, he decided to make a grave for his (tasty) wife. He found an old stryofoam plate, wrote her name on it with a purple pen, then put it in the yard, right next to where the trampoline was buried.
Meanwhile at the hospital Brian began to recover. He realized he didn’t want to live in the hospital forever! He decide he was done with the hospital, so he took off, picking up Rufus on the way. Then when he left the hospital, he dumped Rufus off with the rest of the herd and disappeared.*meanwhile*John had overcome his fear of Roger, and brought him another ice-cream cake. As he was shoving it down his throat, Roger opened his eyes and stared at John. Then John screamed, jumped through the window in Roger’s room, and ran away again.Roger sat up and became very worried. The bathroom was engulfed in blue flames! He screamed for the nurse, but Laura showed up instead. Laura had the nurses clothes and blood around her mouth. Roger screamed again. Brian appeared and shot Laura with his lazer x-ray vision! Go Brian Go!Then Laura crashed onto the ground and did the Mr. S twitch. Robert showed up with a Shop-Vac™ and got rid of Laura. Meanwhile John came across a cute little kitten. However, the kitten was not very nice. It jumped at his face and tried to scratch out his eyes, but luckily Brian appeared in the nick of time to blast the kitten to bits with his eye lazers. Then John said, “Eww....” and walked off. Brian suffered a hernia and lost his lazer vision.*at the hospital*Roger was finally full of enough ice-cream to leave the hospital but he was also 300 pounds. He had only made it about 50 steps when he crashed to the ground panting. Then Felix came and stared him down. Roger rolled over (onto his back) and gave him the evil scientist stare and Felix ran away crying. Roger whistled and 4 of the kids came. They started to carry him around on an old coffee table. They brought him to Madson’s and the nice people there put wheels on it. Then Roger tied Lola, Luke, Cameron, & Tigerlily to his table mobile and cracked a whip to get them going. Since Roger was quite the load, they stuffed health food down his throat when he wasn’t looking or was sleeping (which was most of the time). Then John came and scared the crap out of Roger who ran 10 feet before falling and making a big dent in the ground. He mumbled “I don’t feel so good” then he barfed up a llama. This caused him to instantly lose 200 pounds. Then he started complaining he was hungry. However, the kids were tired of helping him and went to John’s house to play video games that used to belong to his kids but they went somewhere... Brian showed up, clubbed Roger out with his mixing bowl, then poured a warehouse pack of vodka down his throat (probably from Costco). Roger, who has consumed a lot of vodka in his life, was just unconscious for a while but it turned out he had fallen asleep.*over yonder*The childrens were planning a surprise b-day party for John. They bought him a big cake in the shape of Roger and decorated it with blue icing and sprinkles. But then things got violent and Rufus pushed Rory into the cake. Then Rufus started laughing like Ganondorf. RORY’s a GIRL!Anyways, the rest of the herd trampled Rufus, then licked all the cake off Rory.
At the same time, Brian was falling into depression because he lost his lazer-eyeness-stuff. He happened to walk past the head quarters for Alcoholics Anonymous, so he signed Roger up for it. When Roger found out he yelled “I don’t have a problems!” and his under the go-kart track—a place where Brian wouldn’t dare enter. He soon got bored so he came out and started driving his fave go-kart around really fast. Then John appeared for some reason and at a amazing 30 mph he drove his fav blue go-kart. They had a little race but stopped when Brian found them. “Mwahaha! Caught in the act!” yelled Brian. He was quickly brought back to the hospital. Then Rufus broke him out because before he (Brian) helped him (Rufus) get out earlier. Then they Hijacked My Heart a Ford which was Driven By You Brian. They drove off to Barcelona, and with the way Brian was driving, their lives were clearly In The Laps of the Gods.Anyways, the kid herd (-Rufus) randomly decided to break into the flower shop to get a Dozen Red Roses for my their Darling cat. Then they remembered they had no cat because somebody ate it in part 1. Instead they gave them to their dad’s car. *This is the part of the story where people wonder if the herd is on drugs* While they did that, Roger went for a walk. On his walk he oh-so-happily found a Mr. Whoppee (ice cream truck) and decided to become an ice cream truck driver. Unfortunately, he was drunk during his driving test, so he failed. Shortly after, he disappeared. Brian & Rufus were having such a good time in Barcelona, they decided to go home. Simultaneously, John decided to read a dictionary. But not just any dictionary, a new limited edition Webster’s dictionary! He sat down and read it from cover to cover—a feat that took him 3½ days to complete! During that time Brian went to build a canoe and Rufus did Rufus-type-stuff while Roger was still gone. Brian was becoming angry because he didn’t know how to build a canoe. He went to Co-op to buy a ‘How to Build a Boat’ book. Meanwhile, the kid herd were still trying to give their dads car rose, but it wasn’t working. They got mad and fed them to Rory (who, btw, ate the pool and kittens). Then she got sick and started achieving a feeling of ambience. Then Cameron was bringing Rory to the hospital but was distracted when he saw the fat comic book guy from the Simpsons. Rory then threw up all over Cameron’s motorcycle’s sidecar’s seat’s covers. Cameron then sniffed the air, made a funny face and pushed Rory out of the sidecar. He then made a break for it and left Rory in the dust. “This tastes good” thought Rory, who promptly bit the dust.
Finally, Roger showed up outside of the Empire State Building where he was, to no surprise, drunk. He thought “I haven’t married anyone from the US yet” and went off on a journey to find a girlfriend.
Meanwhile, Brian was shopping for stuff to decorate his home with (aka John’s fridge) He came across a Carlton’s Cards store and picked up some scented candles. While walking by a different card store (the mall he was in was called “The Card Mall”) he found a really fuzzy and soft teddy bear with sparkly RED EYES! He ran away (and yes, he was crying). Then he went to Ko’s to get more ice cream (how he ended up in Canada/Manitoba/Headingly I’ll never know)*in conclusion*John started reading an entire volume of encyclopaedias, Brian took boat building lessons from Mr. G, Roger got lost in the US somewhere, and the kid herd started up their own garden center.
Meanwhile at the hospital Brian began to recover. He realized he didn’t want to live in the hospital forever! He decide he was done with the hospital, so he took off, picking up Rufus on the way. Then when he left the hospital, he dumped Rufus off with the rest of the herd and disappeared.*meanwhile*John had overcome his fear of Roger, and brought him another ice-cream cake. As he was shoving it down his throat, Roger opened his eyes and stared at John. Then John screamed, jumped through the window in Roger’s room, and ran away again.Roger sat up and became very worried. The bathroom was engulfed in blue flames! He screamed for the nurse, but Laura showed up instead. Laura had the nurses clothes and blood around her mouth. Roger screamed again. Brian appeared and shot Laura with his lazer x-ray vision! Go Brian Go!Then Laura crashed onto the ground and did the Mr. S twitch. Robert showed up with a Shop-Vac™ and got rid of Laura. Meanwhile John came across a cute little kitten. However, the kitten was not very nice. It jumped at his face and tried to scratch out his eyes, but luckily Brian appeared in the nick of time to blast the kitten to bits with his eye lazers. Then John said, “Eww....” and walked off. Brian suffered a hernia and lost his lazer vision.*at the hospital*Roger was finally full of enough ice-cream to leave the hospital but he was also 300 pounds. He had only made it about 50 steps when he crashed to the ground panting. Then Felix came and stared him down. Roger rolled over (onto his back) and gave him the evil scientist stare and Felix ran away crying. Roger whistled and 4 of the kids came. They started to carry him around on an old coffee table. They brought him to Madson’s and the nice people there put wheels on it. Then Roger tied Lola, Luke, Cameron, & Tigerlily to his table mobile and cracked a whip to get them going. Since Roger was quite the load, they stuffed health food down his throat when he wasn’t looking or was sleeping (which was most of the time). Then John came and scared the crap out of Roger who ran 10 feet before falling and making a big dent in the ground. He mumbled “I don’t feel so good” then he barfed up a llama. This caused him to instantly lose 200 pounds. Then he started complaining he was hungry. However, the kids were tired of helping him and went to John’s house to play video games that used to belong to his kids but they went somewhere... Brian showed up, clubbed Roger out with his mixing bowl, then poured a warehouse pack of vodka down his throat (probably from Costco). Roger, who has consumed a lot of vodka in his life, was just unconscious for a while but it turned out he had fallen asleep.*over yonder*The childrens were planning a surprise b-day party for John. They bought him a big cake in the shape of Roger and decorated it with blue icing and sprinkles. But then things got violent and Rufus pushed Rory into the cake. Then Rufus started laughing like Ganondorf. RORY’s a GIRL!Anyways, the rest of the herd trampled Rufus, then licked all the cake off Rory.
At the same time, Brian was falling into depression because he lost his lazer-eyeness-stuff. He happened to walk past the head quarters for Alcoholics Anonymous, so he signed Roger up for it. When Roger found out he yelled “I don’t have a problems!” and his under the go-kart track—a place where Brian wouldn’t dare enter. He soon got bored so he came out and started driving his fave go-kart around really fast. Then John appeared for some reason and at a amazing 30 mph he drove his fav blue go-kart. They had a little race but stopped when Brian found them. “Mwahaha! Caught in the act!” yelled Brian. He was quickly brought back to the hospital. Then Rufus broke him out because before he (Brian) helped him (Rufus) get out earlier. Then they Hijacked My Heart a Ford which was Driven By You Brian. They drove off to Barcelona, and with the way Brian was driving, their lives were clearly In The Laps of the Gods.Anyways, the kid herd (-Rufus) randomly decided to break into the flower shop to get a Dozen Red Roses for my their Darling cat. Then they remembered they had no cat because somebody ate it in part 1. Instead they gave them to their dad’s car. *This is the part of the story where people wonder if the herd is on drugs* While they did that, Roger went for a walk. On his walk he oh-so-happily found a Mr. Whoppee (ice cream truck) and decided to become an ice cream truck driver. Unfortunately, he was drunk during his driving test, so he failed. Shortly after, he disappeared. Brian & Rufus were having such a good time in Barcelona, they decided to go home. Simultaneously, John decided to read a dictionary. But not just any dictionary, a new limited edition Webster’s dictionary! He sat down and read it from cover to cover—a feat that took him 3½ days to complete! During that time Brian went to build a canoe and Rufus did Rufus-type-stuff while Roger was still gone. Brian was becoming angry because he didn’t know how to build a canoe. He went to Co-op to buy a ‘How to Build a Boat’ book. Meanwhile, the kid herd were still trying to give their dads car rose, but it wasn’t working. They got mad and fed them to Rory (who, btw, ate the pool and kittens). Then she got sick and started achieving a feeling of ambience. Then Cameron was bringing Rory to the hospital but was distracted when he saw the fat comic book guy from the Simpsons. Rory then threw up all over Cameron’s motorcycle’s sidecar’s seat’s covers. Cameron then sniffed the air, made a funny face and pushed Rory out of the sidecar. He then made a break for it and left Rory in the dust. “This tastes good” thought Rory, who promptly bit the dust.
Finally, Roger showed up outside of the Empire State Building where he was, to no surprise, drunk. He thought “I haven’t married anyone from the US yet” and went off on a journey to find a girlfriend.
Meanwhile, Brian was shopping for stuff to decorate his home with (aka John’s fridge) He came across a Carlton’s Cards store and picked up some scented candles. While walking by a different card store (the mall he was in was called “The Card Mall”) he found a really fuzzy and soft teddy bear with sparkly RED EYES! He ran away (and yes, he was crying). Then he went to Ko’s to get more ice cream (how he ended up in Canada/Manitoba/Headingly I’ll never know)*in conclusion*John started reading an entire volume of encyclopaedias, Brian took boat building lessons from Mr. G, Roger got lost in the US somewhere, and the kid herd started up their own garden center.
