Part Nine: The Confusing of John Richard Deacon, His Many Children, Their Friends, Siblings, and His Reincarnated Wife Veronica Tetzlaff... + Roger Meddows Taylor, and His Kids & Their Friends

John was flabbergasted. Veronica was ALIVE. He was sure she was dead—after all, he’d eaten her himself—but she was back. He blacked out in confusion.*VERONICA’S STORY*After getting eaten, Ronnie had gone to heaven. She visited Freddie (who had important connections) and was eventually able to negotiate a return to Earth. There was only one condition—if she did not get her true love’s kiss, she would die (again) after 24 hours. This turned out to not really be a problem, as John regained consciousness he took care of the kiss-thing. Then they moved back into John’s house. Eventually, John realized he should probably tell Joshua, Cameron, Robert, & Luke their mom was alive. They were happy. Very happy. ÜBERHAPPY.*anyways*Brian was tired of having Dominique at his house. Her & Chrissy were always doing girly-stuff like crying, while watching romantic comedies, and sitting around talking about ‘hot’ Hollywood stars. Brian was sick and tired of their attitudes. He stuffed Dominique into a microwave box and dropped her off in the ocean at Roger’s house. Then on the way back home, he ran over Mr. Abbott with ÜBERTANK, which he’d borrowed from Felix. By accident he also ran over Mary Austin, killing her (obviously). Then he realized it wouldn’t be as bad, it would give Freddie a close pal up in heaven.*in heaven*Freddie was enjoying a nice jousting match when he saw Mary. He was so surprised, he dropped his jousting stick! After Mary explained she had been run over (she didn’t sat ‘by Brian’ cuz she didn’t know who ran her over) and Freddie & Mary hung themselves out in the sky. They had fun. Lots of fun. (You know what’s coming next) ÜBERFÜN.*below*John was still happy. So was Veronica. So were the kids. John sent the kids to Rory & Luke’s Land of Awesome, then he & Veronica had fun. Lots of fun. ÜBERFUN! (because they were playing Twilight Princess) He let Ronnie play for a while but she kept getting killed by the shadow creature things. She later found out the ‘X’ button was stuck. Oh well. They had to call Felix, who brought them… ÜBERGAMECUBECONTROLLER! Then Felix went off to play with ÜBERSTIX (which he also invented)*later*Dominique accidentally spilled red wine on her fave white pants, and Felix came to her rescue with… ÜBERWEISS—the Magnificent-Awesome-Laundry Soup of Cooltasticness! They had the stain out in no time! Then Felix got a call from Clare (Roger’s sis) saying she had gum in her cat’s hair. Felix ran over to help his aunt, and with him he brought the one, the only, the ÜBER-GUM-TAKER-OUTER! After that was completed, he got a call from Nick Jonas saying he had over-flown a port-a-potty. Felix yelled “You’re not überawesome enough for my products! In fact you’re not even awesome… WITHOUT the über!” and hung up.*over there*Roger had discovered a mysterious box which had previously contained a microwave. Intrigued, he jumped inside and sat there for a while, peeking out over the edge. He continued to sit there, looking very much like a cat, smiling. He stayed there for the next 14 hours.*in Dominiqueland*Dom noticed the absence of Roger, so she went to find him. Since she’s French, she figured Roger was in some French place and went to EVERY French place in the world (so basically France + Quebec, for the most part anyways) before realizing he would probably get lost before he got there, so she went back home. She called Felix, and he brought ÜBERTELESCOPE to help find his father. That didn’t help, so he got ÜBERFRUSTRATED and was about to throw it ÜBERFAR, but Brian showed up and took it. Then Felix & the other kids formed ÜBERSEARCHPARTY and found Roger ÜBERQUICKLY.When they found him, they found he was ÜBERHAPPY in his ÜBERBOX. They found he didn’t want to break free from it, but they lured him back with the promise of cake. Happy, Roger ate until he was full, then fell asleep in Felix’s ÜBERTREEHOUSE. (After all, Felix is ÜBERKID!) When he awoke he decided to play Sims™ and play as überdork! (but Roger ain’t dorky) He burned down his (überdork’s) house and made him get stuck in a pool ‘til he drowned. This deeply disturbed Roger though, as he was terrified of drowning. Then he chucked a brick at his computer so he wouldn’t see dead überdork. Then he went outside and almost had a Sheer Heart Attack when he saw Felix had built ÜBERPOOL. He said “What the heck?” and started to throw bricks at Felix, too. Fortunately for Felix, he had his handy dandy ÜBERNIFTYBRICKDEFLECTOR. (*Btw, the bricks don’t start flying towards Roger, they crash into the ground) This vicious brick battle raged on for 48 more hours. *wherever Dom is*Dom was still trying to find Roger (because Felix hadn’t told her they found him) and she ended up in Hollywood. There, she made some friends and brought them back to England with her. They were Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz. Unfortunately, when they got to Roger’s house, the herd mistook Dom’s pals for food, and ate them while they slept. The end of Cruise + Cruz.*in Brian land*After the ÜBERTANK fiasco, Brian decided to write a book about Joshua Deacon. However this failed cuz he doesn’t really know who Joshua is. Then he decided to take Chrissy to ÜBERNICE France. After being there for a few minutes, he decided it was lame, so he went back to England. He was so mad at France for being so lame, he punched Dom in the back of the head while she was eating spaghetti. She then became very angry and started to throw an überfit and began to yell at Roger. Roger didn’t like this, so he started screaming überhighpitched, higher than the Galileos! Dom’s ears began bleeding so she shut up.Then Felix got mad at his dad for hurting his mom and he threw an ÜBERBRICK at Roger! Roger did not have an Übernifty brick deflector, so the ÜBERBRICK hit him square in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Dom laughed, then dumped her spaghetti all over Roger. Brian laughed, then punched Dom again. He then skipped away laughing.*Meanwhile*While all this was going on, John had beaten Twilight Princess. He was so sad when it was over, so he went to DQ for an ice cream cake. When he got back, he discovered Kitty had erased his file. He was so made that he’d left TP on when he left. He called Roger to tell him to come get his small child, but he didn’t answer (John didn’t know Roger had been hit by ÜBERBRICK) John called Dom instead. It turns out she’d completely forgotten about her 3rd child. She told him she would be there in 5-10 minutes. In reality, it took her 8 hours. John was so anxious to get rid of Kitty, he nearly dropped her when he gave her to Dom. Then he slammed the door in her face. Soon after he asked Veronica of they could have another kid. She slapped him, then moved to Brian’s house. Randomly, Brian showed up and punched John in the back of the head. Then John, for the first time EVER, cried. When Rog found out, he offered John Kitty, cuz he’s dumb. John screamed (because he doesn’t like Kitty) and kicked Roger in the knee. Then he almost fell down—but he was saved by his awesomeness just in time. Roger then limped to Brian’s house to try to sell Kitty to Veronica, but before she could say anything, Brian punched Roger in the back of the head. Überunfortunately, Roger became unconscious and ended up in the ICU… he can only be hit so many times! Brian felt bad, so he went to the hospital to say sorry. On the way, he forgot where he was going and went to the supermarket instead. He saw there was an übersale on so he bought 3000 pounds of food so he could save £15. 63. He soon realized he had too much food for just one person (good for you Brian, you figured it out!) so he gave a bunch to Dom so she could feed the herd. When she turned to go inside her house, Brian (who was on the doorstep) gave her another quick punch to the cranium. However this did more good than harm, it actually made her 0.0001% smarterer. Dom, who was tired of being smoked in the skull by the Nutty Professor (aka Brian) spun around (and not in an awesome John way) and tazered Brian in the gut with Felix’s limited edition ÜBERTAZERGÜN. However, this worked to Brian’s advantage, HE GOT HIS LAZER X-RAY VISION BACK! ÜBERHAPPY TIME! Then he jumped off the front step/porch/whatever Roger has on the front of his house and incinerated the mailman, who’d simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Brian then went to the hospital to tell Roger. Roger made Brian promise to not use it against him or he’d find an Anita-look-a-like to stalk him. Brian agreed.*back where Luke & Rory are*Rory & Luke had come back to ÜBERCASTLE (not the one made of sand, the one on a seduced island) to live there for a bit. They didn’t really have much to do, seeing as they were in a castle on an island, so Rory started building gnomes, and Luke kept himself busy by cleaning ÜBERCASTLE from top-to-bottom… over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. (He’s a bit more if a clean freak than his father) In fact, he cleaned it so much, the castle became weak and unsafe for living, so they were forced to pack up everything including Rory’s massive gnome collection. They left just in time, because the minute all their stuff had been loaded onto ÜBERBOAT (which was Driven by Felix, who’d been called to help) the island ÜBERSTONECASTLE was on sunk into the ocean. The 3 herd members set out on a journey across the sea and back to Britain.*in Britain*Brian had decided there were too many people living in his house. He tried to kick Veronica out, but she got mad. Instead of leaving, she brought her remaining 4 kids to live in Brian’s house too. But Brian wasn’t about to let her win, he called John to tell her to leave but Ronnie wouldn’t listen to him either so Brian moved to John’s house. He & John had fun. It was like a big sleepover! They ate chips & played Twilight Princess. Then they invited Rog over too. They played Guitar Hero® and Roger kicked their butts, so they made him leave. Then Roger TPed Brian’s old house because he’s dumb.*at Rog & Dom’s house*Rory, Felix, and Luke had finally come back from their boat trip, and had all crashed at the Taylor house. They decided to give Lola an extreme makeover while she slept, but they forgot to do it during the night so they clubbed her out whilst she was having Lucky Charms. They had fun. Lots of fun. Überfun! Before she became conscious again they sat her in front on Dom’s make-up table so it would seem like it was her own fault.When Dom came home she was angry. Really angry. ÜBERANGRY! She kicked Tigerlily in the head out of the house. Then Tigerlily went under the go-kart track to cry. Soon after, John showed up with Kitty’s severed head screaming  There can only be one!” Tigerlily found this disturbing, so, she called Brian to come incinerate Kitty so nobody could see her ugly face. Yay! Celebration!Eventually Roger found out about Kitty’s death. He tried to pretend to care, but he couldn’t. He just didn’t care! Then he went pub shopping. During his shopping spree he found out he could no longer buy more stuff (cuz somebody spent it all *cough* *cough* *Tigerlily!* *cough*) so he called his pal Brian to help him make a Queen Guitar Hero. Yay for Roger! Brian then had a wonderful idea! (Good for him) He would donate all the proceeds to AIDS research! The rest of the world loved that idea, but Roger didn’t. He got mad and yelled at Brain cuz he needed that money—he was now broke! Then he got the brilliant idea to rob the AIDS charity, which might have worked if he hadn’t gone up to the secretary and said “Hi, I’m Roger Taylor and I’m here to steal your money!” The secretary gave him a death stare, and a couple of seconds later some large guys (as in muscle, not OBESE) came in but Roger had already left. He was running down the road ‘cuz he was too dumb to realize there was a sidewalk. (*aka a Rufus Tiger Taylor moment*)*Later*After several days of Guitar-Hero-and-other-stuff-fun, Brian & John became bored of Guitar-Hero-and-other-stuff-fun. They were no longer having fun. Lots of fun. Überfun! L They went off to find Roger. On the way they got ice cream and saw Steve walking wearily down the street with his brim pulled way down low. Anyways, to find Roger they decided to think: “Where would Roger go?... a pub/bar/Costco! They were wrong. Roger had actually gone to the fire station to hang with his heroes. He absolutely loved firemen! (not in a queer way, obviously) He got a job there because he needed money. When he was out fighting his first blaze of his career, he decided this was not for him, he didn’t know how to Put Out the Fire! (He didn’t even know how to make it! JK, this (thing) was not in the story, I added it as I was typing) Then he left. Because of this, the Rolling Stones (magazine) creator’s houses burnt to the ground! YAY!Then Brian & John finally found him amazin’ the people next door (with his new purple shoes) and enragin’ the folks on the lower floor (with his rock ‘n’ roll 45’s) They took him to the library to rent a movie. The movie they chose was… the Hannah Montana movie! JUST KIDDING.They rented “Step Brothers”. They laughed… a lot. Roger ruined his pants, and he didn’t change his dirty pants all day. (He peed his kilt—NOT!) Then they all drank moonshine and drove around in a motor boat calling people mental. When they got back home, they watched “Greatest (Queen) Video Hits 2” and Brian said to Roger (whilst viewing ‘I Want to Break Free’), “You look like a woman you stupid haggis.” Then Roger tackled Brian to the floor. “Stop the insanity!” yelled a scared and confused John. Then he left. For 0.231476 seconds Roger considered stopping, but decided continuing was much funner. Roger realized fighting überhugnormous Brian IS NOT A GOOD IDEA! Brian became angry, shot Roger in the leg with his lazer vision, then hit Rog with a pillow full of wood. Then, just to Keep himself Alive, he let loose a lethal skinny leg attack!!! Brian was flabbergasted at how skinny Roger’s legs were and he quickly slipped into a coma. Roger, feeling Slightly Mad bad brought dumped Brian off at the hospital. Thinking how he could get money, realized he could sell some of his kids’ junk. Tigerlily’s water park was the first to go, followed quickly by all of her cars. Then he got good news (and about £657, 039 mil) All of his Costco™’s were so popular that they were making more money each month thank the total sales of all the Queen + Paul Rodger’s CDs! Roger was happy. Really happy. ÜBERHAPPY. But the good news didn’t stop there! His pub was also making überlots of money, and the firefighters hadn’t noticed that he’d left and were still sending checks to him. Suddenly Felix came over to Roger’s and gave him 999 gazillion dollars because all of his ÜBERSTUFF had made ÜBERLOTS of cash. Then Roger said “Felix you’re my favourite kid! By an überlot!” Rufus overheard this, and came crying and screaming “But I’m on the back of you Electric Fire album!” Roger replied: Yeah okay, that’s nice(with a sarcastic tone) and walked away. Rufus hit rock bottom. He turned to drugs + drinking. He checked in and out of rehab many times over the next few months, and even came to the US, ‘cause being a trainwreck (like Amy Winehouse) is ‘cool’ here. Dom found out, and even though the only way she was related to Rufus was through marriage (to Roger) she decided to help him. She called Brian, who came and smoked them both in the back of the head. This helped Rufus snap out of being mental, and he went back home with Dom. She took good care of him during his rehabilitation time. She fed him éclairs and caviar until he wasn’t addicted to drugs anymore. She stuffed him full of hors d’oeures until he was just like his father. Then she made him go on a diet. This launched Rufus into crippling depression, though as now he was addicted to Dom’s food. Then Cameron came and yelled: “What are you doing!? You’re not supposed to be the mentalist! I am! I mean, um, you know what I mean!” Then Rufus punched him in the face for saying “you know what I mean!” which made Rufus überhappy who lived coast of England somewhere, where he met a girl who also looked like a fetus. They lived happily ever after and he had more kids than his dad. The End…         of Rufus*over there with Rory & Luke*They liked the Taylor house so much, they bought it (which was ok with Roger. More money for him!) Then they decided to have an ÜBERMONSTERNORMOUS family, but after trying many times unsuccessfully) found out they were not awesome enough for children. Luke was crushed. He killed himself. Rory was ÜBERSAD and promised herself she’d never love another man, but that promise was soon broken as she decided to marry Joshua.*over with Jimmy & Kelly*They were having such a great time wherever they were, they decided to hook-up even though Kelly had recently released a single called ‘I Do Not Hook-Up’. Anyways, they began dating and had fun visiting random places and doing random things. They had so much fun that everyone forgot about them.*John*John & Ronnie went on a second honeymoon. They also had so much fun that they were forgotten.*Brian*He was still in a coma, having freaky nightmares about Anita that he couldn’t escape from (since it’s pretty hard to wake up when you’re in a coma.) Fortunately, before visions of Anita rotted his brain, he suffered from a Sheer Heart Attack that broke him free from his coma. He went to live in John’s house until he & Ronnie came back.*Roger*Roger, who was now slightly depressed cuz all his pals had disappeared, decided to take Dominique and the remaining kids to the Seven Wonders of the World. After that he told himself that he would get some gym equipment, which will doubtfully happen.*in heaven*Freddie was bored so he decided to go into Roger’s dreams.*in Roger’s dream*Roger dreamt that he found a cure for AIDS. He called John’s house (where Brian was) and told him. Together they found a cure for AIDS.*back in heaven*After Freddie found out his intrusion had paid off he, Mary, Elvis, Luke, & others lived happily ever after. YAY!THE END of the stories of Roger Meddows Taylor & Friends….. FOREVER! L