Part Eight: The Story of Luke & All His Bros & The Rest of the Kid Herd & Friends & Roger Meddows Taylor
Once on a nice summer day, Luke went for a jog. Rory came with him, then made him go shoe-shopping. Since he hates shoe shopping, he decided to get revenge... He made Rory go mini-golfing with the MDC staff in the rain, then he made her watch Star Trek 47 ½ times. It didn’t end there though, Rory & Luke continued to get back at eachother. Rory gave Like an ‘extreme makeover’ when he slept, then ‘accidentally’ spilled a bunch of soya sauce on Luke’s favourite Spider-man hoodie. When he found out he became überangry and he blew up he beloved couch and karaoke machine. She (obviously) got angry and drove over his soccer ball and polo pony with Anita’s grapefruit flavoured tractor. However this made the pony angrier than made Luke and the pony become vicious and attacked! Rory saved herself in the nick of time by shooting the pony with her voice. (?) and the pony crashed into a paper plane the size of a koala bear.Luke became very angry, and danced the Leaky dance which temporarily blinded Rory (because of all it’s awesomeness) A battle between singing and the Leaky dance broke loose and was soon out of control. Buildings were crumbing Under the Sheer Invisible Pressure of Rory’s voice, and people were fleeing from the Kind of Waltz Luke was performing—they were afraid of a Misfire.*later*After an epic battle between Luke & Rory it finally ended when Miley Cyrus came and crashed into ÜBERTANK.Miley exploded and the whole place Rory & Luke were in celebrated. They stopped cheering after they realized what they’d done to Laura & Michael, and Freddie. They apologized.*Made in Heaven*Freddie’s awesomeness killed Muley, so she died again, but this time she disappeared into HSM, never to be seen again... Then Freddie did stuff. Awesome Freddie stuff.*back downstairs*Rory & Luke made up and bought a big house to go live in, far away from the town they just destroyed with their awesome powers. Soon the whole herd joined them, one of the first things they did, of course, was raiding the fridge/freezer/pantry. Luke realized the herd would eat him & Rory out of house and home, so he bought a Costco™ for the herd to live in. Then they realized Roger had bought one a while back.*not then but later*Bob Geldof drank so much for the ÜBERFOUNTAIN OF ÜBERYOUTH, and he was now 39 years old. The herd had to go destroy the ÜBERFOUNTAIN OF ÜBERYOUTH. After they were done they went home to Roger’s sunken house. Rory & Luke moved away to Austria and bought a castle. Then they went to Hitler’s grave and spit on it. Just as they were about to leave, Luke turned around and peed on it, too.
Anyways, Roger had somehow gotten into the Soviet Union and began selling alcohol in an alley by Wal-Mart™. When the police found out they to track him down but he managed to escape into Spain. Brian paid John to eat his wife (because she’s bald & obnoxious), and John got the kids to do it (except Louisa, because it would’ve been too weird for her to eat her dad’s wife.) Unfortunately (maybe) they found the wrong wife and ate Debbie (who was still at Red Lobster.) When Roger found out, he bought each of them an ÜBERTANK REPLICA. Dominique found out, so she got Roger drunk and married him again. As soon as they were officially married Serena (or whatever that whore’s name is) died from retard-disease. A disease taking the lives of many retards. The only person who was actually sad about this was Bob, as he planned to propose to her (he is, after all only 29 years older than she is....) Then Bob locked himself in a fire extinguisher factory.
Meanwhile, John ate a very big pretzel. A soft, salty pretzel. That made him J. After his pretzel he helped himself to some snow cones. Still J, he started doing the Deaky Dance. Then he wanted free hotdogs, but they were in another building, so he got L. To make himself J again, he bought a big hat.*enough John*Roger became sober and realized he was married to Dom. There was only one thing to do! He had to sell her to Quebec! Unfortunately Quebec was too mental and Roger had to lock Dom in Brian’s house (aka John’s fridge) instead. Dom was not happy. She was mad. She decided to attempt to Break Free from the fridge before she went Slightly Mad(der). When Brian found out he became ÜBERMAD, so mad, so überlymad, he wanted to kill Roger but he didn’t because Roger is Brian’s best friend. Instead he took Dominique out of the fridge and put her in a bathtub. Dom had an idea! She got Brian back (because she didn’t like bathtubs) by getting him & Chrissy drunk, then marrying them. (to each other, not to Dom) When Brian was all sobered up, he looked at Chrissy with a strange what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here look on his face. Chrissy was happy and brought Brian to a Jeff Beck concert—and she got him BACKSTAGE PASSES! They had a good time. Then Brian went on tour with J.B. (as a special guest) and nobody cared (or noticed) he was gone.
Anyways, by now Luke & Rory (who were temporarily done with this) decided to remodel their castle but then they realized it was made of stones or cement or something else so they sold it to Eric Clapton. Then they went to a club, got drunk, travelled to Tedopolis, Justyneland and got married in an orange church surrounded by orange trees and carrot fields. Then they got tired of orange stuff so they bought a fun park in Florida. They lived there for a while. While they were they found a pug that was orange (and evil) named Ned. They didn’t like him so they locked him in a street car that was operated by a guy that might of been, but probably wasn’t called Bob that would later end up in a volcano.*enough madness*Roger was angry ‘cause he didn’t get $ from Quebec. Too bad for him. Then he remembered that he was an ex-crusty-old rockstar so he had lots of $$$. (but the amount of $$ he had seems to decline a lot). So he took the rest of the kids to Rory & Luke’s World of Awesome (aka “fun park”) They had fun. Lot’s of fun. Über fun.*back to John*John decided to try to go around the world in 80 days. To train, he competed in a Bicycle Race (a non-nude-women-only one) He won 13th place! He was so happy he went to Alaska and married Susan Boyle. However this didn’t last long cuz he realized she was mental and sent her to the moon. Then he had a party with everybody, then he happily mopped his house.
Meanwhile Lola had shown up in some random place. (Good for her)*at Rory & Luke’s Land of Awesome*Everyone was still having fun. Lots of fun. Überfun. Then they went somewhere else and had lots of fun there too. Rory & Luke went on their honeymoon to Moose Jaw. They had fun. Lots of fun. ÜBERFUN!*elsewhere*After John finished mopping the house he began dusting.*somewhere else*Roger & Dominique decided to jump over the Grand Canyon in an airplane. They soon realized that as long as the airplane took flight they would make it over. Just kidding! They’re too dumb to realize that. Then they decided to go clubbing instead, since flight was too technical. They got wasted and end up in a Comfort Inn in Taiwan. Since Roger & Dominique are übermental (especially together) and Dom found out she was pregnant... again. However Rog didn’t hear that and went back to bed. Tard. Muffin.*back in Johnland*The house was dusted to perfection, so John went over to Roger’s sunken house mansion and started digging it out of the ground. He got the kid herd to assist. The house was out in no time, thanks to Felix’s ÜBERBACKHOE!But John was not yet satisfied. He had to hire überhandyman-crew to fix up the inside to überawesomeness.Felix was offended, as HE is ÜBERMAN. He got into ÜBERTANK and ran John over! (But don’t worry, he didn’t die!) Then he (Felix) took ÜBERSHOTGUN and chased überhandyman-crew out of the house and far from it. They were so scared they dropped the über. Then they came back.*over there*Rory & Luke were done with their lame Moose Jaw honeymoon, so they went to France (Paris & NICE). Felix showed up and changed the name to ÜBERNICE. Then he gave them ÜBERURN (containing ÜBERFREDDIE’S ÜBERASHES)*Roger time now*Roger woke up, felt like he missed something, shrugged, then went back to bed.*Anyhoo* (9 months later)Dominique had a baby girl. Roger finally woke up, found out, then named her Kitty Faith Moon Cookie Taylor. Everyone, even Dominique thought that it was mental. For short everyone called her KFMCT. Just kidding. They called her Kitty. (but have no fear! Her long name was her actual name still if you didn’t get that) Dominique got mad, but Roger hit her with a happy-face water balloon and she forgot about it. They went out drinking again and made Lola take care of Kitty.*done with that*Meanwhile, Brian had recently finished his sold-out tour with Jeff Beck and decided to re-take up the banjo. Chrissy got mad, so she set his banjo on fire and hit Brian across the face with it. This made him angry, so he turned green & hugenormous & got really strong. Just kidding. He just abandoned her at Red Lobster. Then John came and picked her up to bring her back to Brian’s house (still John’s fridge) but along the way came across Jimmy and dropped her off with him, after all she is Jimmy’s mother. Jimmy drove her to their old house (the one Brian lived in where they painted the walls with Kool-Aid) and they lived there. After all, Jimmy had been living in his truck since he was 16.*In France*Rory & Luke’s grotesquely long honeymoon was finally over. They went to a pub to celebrate. They didn’t like that one so they went to the Swan (aka Roger’s pub) and drank vodka until they couldn’t drink anymore. Then they slept it off under Roger’s go-kart track. A few days later, they woke up in Brian’s house. They were still quite hung-over (so hung-over, in fact, that even their names hurt) and they thought eating an entire cheesecake and 3 jars of olives would be a good idea. No so much. Luke ended up in the hospital, which made Rory depressed, because she didn’t like the smell of the hospital. Instead, directly outside of Luke’s her best friend’s hospital room, she began Sleeping on the Sidewalk. Luke also grew depressed, as Rory had stopped visiting him, so he hired The Invisible Man to Attack the nurse who was taking care of him. Then he broke free to go back home. Rory, who’d grew to love the Sidewalk, discovered Leaving It Ain’t Easy, and threw rocks at Luke. To get Rory to want to come back to him, he began doing the Leaky dance (which Rory couldn’t resist) and she came after a little more hesitation. Then they bought another house—a semi-detached Victorian house, cuz they like Victorian houses y’know. As soon as they moved in, they instantly became happy, as there was a hot tub, and garden gnomes. They began exploring the inside and found an überskinny puppy. Good for them.*over yonder*Jimmy had been joyriding and he’d crashed into an airplane. HE DID notDIE! He ended up in intensive care and Kelly Clarkson was his nurse. She made him happy by singing to him—which was hard because every single one of his bones were broken, and he had no eyebrows. After not a lot of time, many of his bones healed and his eyebrows began to grow back. However, as his eyebrows grew, his hair devolumed. NOOOOOOO!Anyway, Jimmy got better, got a new Jimmy (truck), then drove off to New Zealand with Kelly Clarkson. They had fun. Lots of fun. Überfun. (road trip fun)*back in heaven*Freddie had made many dead friends. He had a big party with dead rockstars, where they hunted mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers, then listened to records on their record player whilst playing Nintendo 64 and using typewriters.
Meanwhile, Emily Ruth had gotten over Rufus. She was now hanging out with the kid from Home Alone (who had committed suicide and sorta looked like Rufus—y’know, that sickly albino fetus look) They went to Atlantis. They had fun. Lots of fun. ÜBERFUN.
During this time, Michael Deacon was hanging out with Michael Taylor (aka Roger’s dad) and they invited many other dead Michael’s like Michael something something.*whatever*Back on Earth, Jimmy & Kelly Clarkson went camping. They went to Rubber Ducky (an actual camping ground).*done with this*John got sick, then had to get his stomach pumped, but nobody really gave a crap.*ummm....*Roger & Dom (who failed her grade 11 biology test) were done drinking and decided to go sleep under the go-kart track. Then Roger heard his cell phone ring, and then tried to eat it because he’s dumb. Dom said “You’re dumb” then hit him with a beehive. Then Rog whipped out a nifty shovel and buried it, all while wearing Mr.-evil-scientist-stalker-dude smile and laughing hysterically. Dom got scared and went to live with Brian.*at Brian’s house*Brian was happy to be at his Kool-Aid house. Chrissy was there, and now Dominique was there too. Brian was also happy ‘cause he was surrounded by women whoops friends. (okay)John, who had fully recovered, found another friend. Since John was lonely, he married her. (but don’t fear, she’s not ugly/mental) She was un-mental. Very un-mental. ÜBER UN-MENTAL. She was a very nice person. She was quite nifty. She was Veronica Tetzlaff!
Anyways, Roger had somehow gotten into the Soviet Union and began selling alcohol in an alley by Wal-Mart™. When the police found out they to track him down but he managed to escape into Spain. Brian paid John to eat his wife (because she’s bald & obnoxious), and John got the kids to do it (except Louisa, because it would’ve been too weird for her to eat her dad’s wife.) Unfortunately (maybe) they found the wrong wife and ate Debbie (who was still at Red Lobster.) When Roger found out, he bought each of them an ÜBERTANK REPLICA. Dominique found out, so she got Roger drunk and married him again. As soon as they were officially married Serena (or whatever that whore’s name is) died from retard-disease. A disease taking the lives of many retards. The only person who was actually sad about this was Bob, as he planned to propose to her (he is, after all only 29 years older than she is....) Then Bob locked himself in a fire extinguisher factory.
Meanwhile, John ate a very big pretzel. A soft, salty pretzel. That made him J. After his pretzel he helped himself to some snow cones. Still J, he started doing the Deaky Dance. Then he wanted free hotdogs, but they were in another building, so he got L. To make himself J again, he bought a big hat.*enough John*Roger became sober and realized he was married to Dom. There was only one thing to do! He had to sell her to Quebec! Unfortunately Quebec was too mental and Roger had to lock Dom in Brian’s house (aka John’s fridge) instead. Dom was not happy. She was mad. She decided to attempt to Break Free from the fridge before she went Slightly Mad(der). When Brian found out he became ÜBERMAD, so mad, so überlymad, he wanted to kill Roger but he didn’t because Roger is Brian’s best friend. Instead he took Dominique out of the fridge and put her in a bathtub. Dom had an idea! She got Brian back (because she didn’t like bathtubs) by getting him & Chrissy drunk, then marrying them. (to each other, not to Dom) When Brian was all sobered up, he looked at Chrissy with a strange what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here look on his face. Chrissy was happy and brought Brian to a Jeff Beck concert—and she got him BACKSTAGE PASSES! They had a good time. Then Brian went on tour with J.B. (as a special guest) and nobody cared (or noticed) he was gone.
Anyways, by now Luke & Rory (who were temporarily done with this) decided to remodel their castle but then they realized it was made of stones or cement or something else so they sold it to Eric Clapton. Then they went to a club, got drunk, travelled to Tedopolis, Justyneland and got married in an orange church surrounded by orange trees and carrot fields. Then they got tired of orange stuff so they bought a fun park in Florida. They lived there for a while. While they were they found a pug that was orange (and evil) named Ned. They didn’t like him so they locked him in a street car that was operated by a guy that might of been, but probably wasn’t called Bob that would later end up in a volcano.*enough madness*Roger was angry ‘cause he didn’t get $ from Quebec. Too bad for him. Then he remembered that he was an ex-crusty-old rockstar so he had lots of $$$. (but the amount of $$ he had seems to decline a lot). So he took the rest of the kids to Rory & Luke’s World of Awesome (aka “fun park”) They had fun. Lot’s of fun. Über fun.*back to John*John decided to try to go around the world in 80 days. To train, he competed in a Bicycle Race (a non-nude-women-only one) He won 13th place! He was so happy he went to Alaska and married Susan Boyle. However this didn’t last long cuz he realized she was mental and sent her to the moon. Then he had a party with everybody, then he happily mopped his house.
Meanwhile Lola had shown up in some random place. (Good for her)*at Rory & Luke’s Land of Awesome*Everyone was still having fun. Lots of fun. Überfun. Then they went somewhere else and had lots of fun there too. Rory & Luke went on their honeymoon to Moose Jaw. They had fun. Lots of fun. ÜBERFUN!*elsewhere*After John finished mopping the house he began dusting.*somewhere else*Roger & Dominique decided to jump over the Grand Canyon in an airplane. They soon realized that as long as the airplane took flight they would make it over. Just kidding! They’re too dumb to realize that. Then they decided to go clubbing instead, since flight was too technical. They got wasted and end up in a Comfort Inn in Taiwan. Since Roger & Dominique are übermental (especially together) and Dom found out she was pregnant... again. However Rog didn’t hear that and went back to bed. Tard. Muffin.*back in Johnland*The house was dusted to perfection, so John went over to Roger’s sunken house mansion and started digging it out of the ground. He got the kid herd to assist. The house was out in no time, thanks to Felix’s ÜBERBACKHOE!But John was not yet satisfied. He had to hire überhandyman-crew to fix up the inside to überawesomeness.Felix was offended, as HE is ÜBERMAN. He got into ÜBERTANK and ran John over! (But don’t worry, he didn’t die!) Then he (Felix) took ÜBERSHOTGUN and chased überhandyman-crew out of the house and far from it. They were so scared they dropped the über. Then they came back.*over there*Rory & Luke were done with their lame Moose Jaw honeymoon, so they went to France (Paris & NICE). Felix showed up and changed the name to ÜBERNICE. Then he gave them ÜBERURN (containing ÜBERFREDDIE’S ÜBERASHES)*Roger time now*Roger woke up, felt like he missed something, shrugged, then went back to bed.*Anyhoo* (9 months later)Dominique had a baby girl. Roger finally woke up, found out, then named her Kitty Faith Moon Cookie Taylor. Everyone, even Dominique thought that it was mental. For short everyone called her KFMCT. Just kidding. They called her Kitty. (but have no fear! Her long name was her actual name still if you didn’t get that) Dominique got mad, but Roger hit her with a happy-face water balloon and she forgot about it. They went out drinking again and made Lola take care of Kitty.*done with that*Meanwhile, Brian had recently finished his sold-out tour with Jeff Beck and decided to re-take up the banjo. Chrissy got mad, so she set his banjo on fire and hit Brian across the face with it. This made him angry, so he turned green & hugenormous & got really strong. Just kidding. He just abandoned her at Red Lobster. Then John came and picked her up to bring her back to Brian’s house (still John’s fridge) but along the way came across Jimmy and dropped her off with him, after all she is Jimmy’s mother. Jimmy drove her to their old house (the one Brian lived in where they painted the walls with Kool-Aid) and they lived there. After all, Jimmy had been living in his truck since he was 16.*In France*Rory & Luke’s grotesquely long honeymoon was finally over. They went to a pub to celebrate. They didn’t like that one so they went to the Swan (aka Roger’s pub) and drank vodka until they couldn’t drink anymore. Then they slept it off under Roger’s go-kart track. A few days later, they woke up in Brian’s house. They were still quite hung-over (so hung-over, in fact, that even their names hurt) and they thought eating an entire cheesecake and 3 jars of olives would be a good idea. No so much. Luke ended up in the hospital, which made Rory depressed, because she didn’t like the smell of the hospital. Instead, directly outside of Luke’s her best friend’s hospital room, she began Sleeping on the Sidewalk. Luke also grew depressed, as Rory had stopped visiting him, so he hired The Invisible Man to Attack the nurse who was taking care of him. Then he broke free to go back home. Rory, who’d grew to love the Sidewalk, discovered Leaving It Ain’t Easy, and threw rocks at Luke. To get Rory to want to come back to him, he began doing the Leaky dance (which Rory couldn’t resist) and she came after a little more hesitation. Then they bought another house—a semi-detached Victorian house, cuz they like Victorian houses y’know. As soon as they moved in, they instantly became happy, as there was a hot tub, and garden gnomes. They began exploring the inside and found an überskinny puppy. Good for them.*over yonder*Jimmy had been joyriding and he’d crashed into an airplane. HE DID notDIE! He ended up in intensive care and Kelly Clarkson was his nurse. She made him happy by singing to him—which was hard because every single one of his bones were broken, and he had no eyebrows. After not a lot of time, many of his bones healed and his eyebrows began to grow back. However, as his eyebrows grew, his hair devolumed. NOOOOOOO!Anyway, Jimmy got better, got a new Jimmy (truck), then drove off to New Zealand with Kelly Clarkson. They had fun. Lots of fun. Überfun. (road trip fun)*back in heaven*Freddie had made many dead friends. He had a big party with dead rockstars, where they hunted mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers, then listened to records on their record player whilst playing Nintendo 64 and using typewriters.
Meanwhile, Emily Ruth had gotten over Rufus. She was now hanging out with the kid from Home Alone (who had committed suicide and sorta looked like Rufus—y’know, that sickly albino fetus look) They went to Atlantis. They had fun. Lots of fun. ÜBERFUN.
During this time, Michael Deacon was hanging out with Michael Taylor (aka Roger’s dad) and they invited many other dead Michael’s like Michael something something.*whatever*Back on Earth, Jimmy & Kelly Clarkson went camping. They went to Rubber Ducky (an actual camping ground).*done with this*John got sick, then had to get his stomach pumped, but nobody really gave a crap.*ummm....*Roger & Dom (who failed her grade 11 biology test) were done drinking and decided to go sleep under the go-kart track. Then Roger heard his cell phone ring, and then tried to eat it because he’s dumb. Dom said “You’re dumb” then hit him with a beehive. Then Rog whipped out a nifty shovel and buried it, all while wearing Mr.-evil-scientist-stalker-dude smile and laughing hysterically. Dom got scared and went to live with Brian.*at Brian’s house*Brian was happy to be at his Kool-Aid house. Chrissy was there, and now Dominique was there too. Brian was also happy ‘cause he was surrounded by women whoops friends. (okay)John, who had fully recovered, found another friend. Since John was lonely, he married her. (but don’t fear, she’s not ugly/mental) She was un-mental. Very un-mental. ÜBER UN-MENTAL. She was a very nice person. She was quite nifty. She was Veronica Tetzlaff!
